ME2DAY
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I haven't been blogging since forever. I'm sorry Goo, Carel, Razi and Nas for bailing out at the last minute. Felt really shagged today, what happened in school today was abit too much for me to handle I guess. ART ART ART ART. I believe I can finish my Art preppie by Monday. Come on Lijie, let's CHIONG! Can't stay over at Georgia's this weekend anymore, bleh. Why must Art have prep work? Can't I just paint something and end it? Sigh. My good friend has got the piggy flu. I think I'm next. It's really hard for me to think positive and feel confident/hopeful when I look into the mirror and see the damages I've done. 'Look at what you've done!' it seems to be screaming at me everytime. I'm submerged with guilt, shame, fear, and regret. I don't want this. I don't deserve it. I don't.
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Stressed, violently sick. I feel like I can't take it anymore. Fighting this painful, never ending battle alone for so long, when will it take a good turn? Nothing has been good lately. It's been getting, worse, worser, and worst. It's draining me mentally, it's slowly eating away at my personality, it's hurting me emotionally. And it's killing me physically. It's so tiring and painful, emotionally, physically and mentally. But how can I give up? What will I have become if I give up? The consequences are dreadful. The physical consequences, god. I feel like I'm losing, day by day. When will it ever get better?
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST MAMAT!! I love my pornstar to the maxxxxx <3 KEEP SMILING BABEEEYYYYYY!
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FUCK LAH! I'm super sad. I knew it wasn't that simple. Nevermind, just forget it.
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Today was great! Loved Mamat's cats, THEY'RE SO DAMN FURRY AND CUTE! Thanks Carel darling for uploading the pictures! I just saw them, and DAYUUMMM, the black and white ones of us are so damn hot!! WE MUST TAKE MORE B & W SCARY PHOTOS!! There was one group black and white one somewhere near the end which had Goo hugging Carel in a.. She's-the-only-family-I've-left way. Loved the expression on your face!! DAMN NICE!! CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE MORE OF SUCH PHOTOS!
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I'm almost done with my final artpiece.. Thank god! Thanks Ms. Chua, actually. She's freaking awesome, I swear. Tomorrow's going to be a hectic day. I've taken my pills but they haven't kicked in yet. Hoping to feel the effects soon. I'm going to say something in reference to him and his post. I didn't expect such extreme negativeness from the post she told me about, but even if I did read it first before doing anything, I still would have apologised. And now, I've read new updates. You talk about me and my attitude like you know me alot. You don't even know me that well and you insult me and my attitude so much like you even know a fuck about what's happening and what I'm doing? The last person to mention ANY flaws in MY character and attitude is YOU. You don't even fucking know me personally that well, so stop talking like you know everything. Ugh. And backing? Who are you referring to as backing? HUH? What, the family? WHAT BACKING? I don't have backings. I take full responsiblity for my own actions, right or wrong, which is why I would still apologise even if I knew you were being such a pussy about this. So big fuck to you. At this point, I don't really care what you think about me (never really cared actually) but no way am I going to go sleep without writing something about your posts. When I replied Sarah, I meant it in a joking way. What, you don't think I'm joking? Don't believe that I was sorry? Don't then! I apologised, I know what I meant in my reply to Sarah, and I know that I'm not going to try to convince you anything cos this is you. You, who is fucked up so I'm not going to continue apologising, or continue trying. *shrugs* I'm sorry that you're being such an ass about this and to blow this out of poportion. I don't think I would care anymore after this. If you think I'm a bitch to my friends, and that they've suffered alot being with me, continue thinking whatever you want. Whoever who is suffering by being with me is free to leave me. Do you see me tying a chain around their necks? No. So with the fact that my friends are not leaving me proves that it's either they're stupid, or you're just cock eyed. *shrugs* I no longer care if you accept my apology. As long as I know that I was sincere in my apology and that I meant no personal insults in my reply to Sarah, I won't care anymore if you think I'm a shallow bitch. If this is the way you choose to look at things, then up to you lor. Whatever works for you man. And if I AM being an ass to my friends.. I trust that Goo or Carel would tell me about it. Yeah, so stop fucking around in my life trying to judge me and go get yours. I don't need your criticism, I don't even know you. Shall go hunt down some videos of SNSD or something now. See you all tomorrow, darlings!
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My awesome masterpeice is finishing soon, I really can't believe it. I have a truckload of thanks for Ms. Chua!! Without her, NON of these would have been possible, I swear. Harry Potter was disappointing.. I left the theatre dazed and confused. I also got attacked by a migriane in the middle of it. It was disappointing in the sense that there was no little storyline and plot.. and it had no shocking/twisted ending.. There were little scenes of friendship/trust/loyatly displayed between the three of them.. The movie just made me feel like it had no direction. So yeah, Dumbledore died and Malfoy and Snape's in the bad league, but that's all the movie showed. Where's Voldermort? Where are the tense moments? Where are the hugeass monsters? Okay anyway. More Art tomorrow. I'm beginning to feel lost. And I sense that things are changing.
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Just read Mum's blog, and I am PISSED. Mum had this sicko ass on MSN who tried to fuck around by showing her his dick. WHAT! DICK ONLY, YOU THINK DAMN SCARY AH! Stupid fucker, I'll cut your dick and balls off since you like parading it around. I HATE HATE HATE HATE men who think that women will scream in horror or get traumatised at the sight of a TINY COCK. I'll go add him on MSN and play his game with him. I'M BETTER AT THIS THEN HE KNOWS!! Stupid-women-underestimating-fucker! ROAR!!! I'M SO PISSED!!
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Didn't take the pill last night, but I had a hard time waking up this morning. I know I have a gazillion pictures to upload, but Blogger really sucks at this, so I'm gonna do what my darlings do... GET A PICASA ACCOUNT! I'll do it later. I promise! Haha =D FOR MUMMY: 1.Where and how did we meet? Erm.. At Soho's rooftop! 2. How long have you known me? 2 months =D 3. The last time we saw/talked/chatted/texted each other? Yesterday night 4. Your first impression of me upon meeting/seeing me? 'OMG! Girls, look!!! CHER'S GIRLFRIEND!!!' 5. What kind of movies do I like? Hmm. I think.. those gory ones where you would laugh at the bad acting? 6. What's my favorite music? Anything Dad introduces =DDDD 7. Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else(what)? Sporty, punk, and sexy. 8. Am I funny? You're HILARIOUS! 9. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be? Hamster. Cause the nick just came to my mind when I thought about it HAHA 10. If you and I were stranded on an island alone, how? CALL DAD HAHAHH! 11. Where do you think I will be in 20 years? At home, cooking for Dad and your kids! 12. What reminds you of me? JLene. It's very memorable. 13. What is my best attribute? Sigh, your BODY. 14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? Nope. Not yet hahahah 15. Will you re-post this so I can fill this out for you? YES YES! Okie, off to make my Picasa album.
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Sleeping pills knocked me out completely yesterday, so I didn't blog. Those pills are damn effective man. Took one on Thurday night and it only took a few minutes on bed for it to kick in. I had a dreamless night, and it kept me sleeping in class for the first two hours too. I took it last night and I was super drowsy this morning. Anyways! Haunting In the something was awesome. It was less on the suprise and shock element, but more on the storyline. Loved it, it was refreshing! I super love my darlings. I'M PLANNING FOR AN OUTING! Does a Saturday afternoon at the beach sound good to you all? I should go do my Art. Tomorrow..? SIGH, BLOODY PROCRASTINATOR! By the way, I sat beside this cute angmoh guy after I parted ways with the rest on Friday. He was a teen, and he was soooo cute!! OMG HAHA, Goo's reaction was so... Gooish. Hahahah =DD Have loads more to say, but tomorrow? P.S Okay, you win. I shall start running tomorrow morning.
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Oral sucked today, but nevermind, at least it's over! I like my new seating arrangement, but Sho, Lijie, Mamat and Aaron are so damn far from me! I'm contemplating if I should bring a pillow to school tomorrow. Thursdays and Fridays are the BEST days to sleep, I tell you. Speaking of tomorrow, IT'S PHOTOTAKING DAY!! So gonna put on an extra layer of powder in school tomorrow. I can't wait, I'M SO EXCITED! Art today was.. good? Mdm Teo sort of challenged me by demanding that I transfer my composition onto the wooden board using FREE HAND. And when I finally finished and did it pretty nicely as well, she came over, looked, and walked away curtly with a 'Fine.' I FELT SO DAMN GOOD I TELL YOU! I love Ms. Chua. SHE'S THE BEST! Gotta start doing my drawings and colour scheme already. I'm... confident I can finish on time? Well at least my painting's not the same as the others *shrugs* OFF TO APPLY FOR DPA NOW! P.S Happy Birthday Ms Melissa. You're one teacher I will always remember <3
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Omg, I haven't started dieting! EUNHYUKKIE WILL BE UPSET. Ugh. Need to lose some fucking weight, I MEAN IT! Hooray, dance exam on Saturday instead! BUT SHIT, TOMORROW STILL GOT CHINESE ORAL! Going off to sweat up a storm~~
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WELCOME TO THE BLOGGING WORLD, MAMAT! A special post dedicated to my lovely pornstar, Mamat <3
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I just got the shirt I ordered, I'M SO HAPPY! Turqoise definately suits me, I'm glad I took the risk to try something new. I look so refreshing!! So now I'm all set for tomorrow's dance exam. New shoes, new shirt, and a new mindset. What's lacking? THE PREPARATIONS OF COURSE. I can't freaking remember the last part! And the freestyling. SHIT. I'm craving for... something. Fuck, my hair's falling out so fast!!!
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You can't imagine how I feel right now. I'm in the 'OMG TOMORROW IS TUESDAY ALREADY?!' mood. I am definately NOT looking forward to tomorrow, for 3 reasons. 2 of which refers to the Big Os and Rahim's exam. I can't remember some of the choreo already and to top it all off, I haven't even tried freestyling. Yes, I'm screwed. Screwed so badly. I'm trying, and I'm thinking. Maybe I just don't see it but I still think it really wasn't nessecary. Yeah, there was an issue at hand, I agree, but to that degree of bleakness that you'd take that risk? I shouldn't have found out. But it shouldn't even be there in the first place. No need to. It just makes things harder. Consequences heavier. Feelings worser. I shouldn't have found out. But would you have kept it from me?
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Thinking it through and realising new things, it wasn't neseccary to that point. And no, I'm not okay.
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Bought a pair of adidas shoes and a puma bag from warehouse sale. Costed about $1o0. Cheap right! Luckily I went with my parents. NO NEED TO PAY HAHAHA. After that went to Golden Mile. I feel so at home there. Special bonding time with my parents. I felt like a small kid today. Was supposed to do Maths at 6, but fell asleep at the bed till 11. Shall do maths, later. Some things at the top of my list right now is dieting and haircut. I really wanna get a new hairstyle. I've been contemplating cutting away the longer strands of hair but I'm not really in a good situation to go to a hairdresser right now. Can't imagine the hairdresser's reaction. And I AM going to lose weight. I've thought about it and DECIDED. I shall present a fully new Allison when I go back for dance classes with my beloved chagiyas after Os. I am NOT prepared for Tuesday. I don't really wanna remember.
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Wow. I'm stunned. Fuck. Just fuck everything. 당신이 정말 싫어!
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Viewed Razi's masterpeice. Awesome work Razi! I definately look better, slimmer, and prettier last year. I'm so going to lose weight. Gonna stick to the one full meal per day diet. MUST LOSE WEIGHT! I know our dear Pa's probably not going to read this but Mum will so I'm going to type this anyway. I'm sorry Rahim. Sorry Dad. I'll be back after my Os, and I promise I'll train hard to get ready for the competitions! I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD =DDDD Meanwhile I'm going to continue practicing.. And I'll randomly drop by to say hi too! 4 months will fly by like a comet. I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. SHIT MAN, EXAM ON TUESDAY, HOW?!!!! Shit shit shit, how to freestyle?! I heard there's this really hot performance of It's You/Eunhyuk popping. I'M GOING TO GO HUNT IT DOWN NOW. Shall post it when I found it.
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I had weird dreams recently. I dreamt that a murderer was after the Reverandoms and I. Berwin got crushed by a huge granite table, Carel got half her palm chopped off, Goo disappeared halfway into the action, and I pretended to die when the murderer shot me but missed. The dream felt so damn real. After the killings, we all went to watch a movie. The screen was in the sky, and it was at Goo's block. It was a very scary and traumatising movie they were playing. We watched from the busstop. Furqaan got mauled over by a car and the car dragged him behind.. breaking him into small pieces. I saw everything, and ran back to tell Carel that Furqaan was dead. Once I saw Carel, I collapsed due to the overwhelming sadness.. trauma.. and fear. I half crawled, half dragged myself to tell Carel that Furqaan was dead. I cried like there was no tomorrow. In fact, it felt so damn real that I teared while sleeping. And then I met my boyfriend. Who was a malay. He's tall and handsome.. and had very kissable lips. We kissed alot. Suddenly I opened a door to see a naked Ron Weasely. I hugged him, happy that he was alive. And then... I woke up. SO WEIRD RIGHT! Just now, I slept in the afternoon. And I dreamt, AGAIN! I dreamt that I was celebrating my birthday at the airport with my family and friends. Carel and Mamat was there. And then..... BIG BANG CAME TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY WITH ME TOO. Oh god T.O.P was so hot I swear. After seeing them for 10 mins, I begged my Dad to rush me home cos I wanted to wear my makeup and everything. Can you believe it, I was at the airport with NO MAKEUP, and greasy hair and clothes! DAMN, HOW TO EAT DINNER WITH BIG BANG LIKE THAT?! So I took a loooong time, and when I finally went back to the airport, THEY LEFT. And I woke up. See, this is what you get when you stay up too late to fantasize about Eunhyuk and watch a Harry Potter movie after school. Sigh. Can't wait to see my darlings tomorrow.
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1. My boyfriend must learn to do sexy chest pops like Eunhyuk for me.
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You must be wondering why I'm blogging at such an ungodly hour. EUNHYUK. IS. SO. FUCKING. HOT. Just watched a marathon of It's You performances. Gahhh, Eunhyuk's dance and chest pops has stolen my heart! Mega hotness. LIJIE! CAREL! GOO! EVA! WATCH THIS VIDEO! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6G5Ly9rUlA&feature=relatedMy sexy lover is the hot one at the front doing the sexy chest pops @ 1.20. TOTALLY HOT RIGHT! Omg I love the way he slowly showed his sexy skin. How he looked at the audience. How intense his popping was. EUNHYUK IS SO SEXY. I can't describe him more. Oh god if a guy does this in front of me sexily, I'll totally faint and swoon man. I don't care, he's still sexy even though he is skinny and looks like a monkey. Or looks like YOU KHOW WHO. Another reason why EUNHYUK IS SO DAMN HOT. His bestfriend's my husband, Xiah Junsu. HOT. HOT. HOT. I. WANT. EUNHYUK. NOW.
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Strangely, I'm beginning to enjoy school. I especially love sitting at the back with Carel and the super aircon. I love gossiping with Lijie and I definately look forward to more visitation trips to the DNT room. I love slapping and squeezing Furqaan's cheek or messing with his hair in class. I love doing work SLOWLY in class. I miss my friends. Can't wait to see them tomorrow!! P.S I Still Hate MT Class.
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REVERANDOM STUDY OUTING THIS SATURDAY @ NATIONAL LIBRARYWho's interested in going? CONTACT CAREL KAY DARLINGS!Current confirmed darlings: Me Carel Goo Navin Razi Today, Art was soo... productive. So fun. So good. But still a killer lah. There's still another art tutorial this Friday I think. I'll join you at the gym after that kay Carel! Art should end around 2 I think. Today, I also realised that if it would be soooo fun if I took DNT. Got a peek at the DNT room today, and I liked what I saw. (Stop snickering, Lijie HAHA) Furqaan! Must go on Saturday kay! I was thinking of asking Rayyan if it's possible to watch the Amityville Horror on Saturday night. I realised that my maths improved; I could do the test this morning! COOL. Awaiting my shirt to arrive any moment now. Am craving for some sleep. Am DAMN SCARED for Saturday. HOW TO FREESTYLE SIA?! SHIT. Shit. Shit. SHIT! 8 beats of freestyling. Oh goddd. Rahim: "Take your face, throw it on the floor, and step all over it." Will definately learn that way. BUT FIRST NEED TO THROW YOUR FACE AWAY! You can do it Ally. Come on. Relax. I miss everybody. Can't wait to see Goo, Carel, Furqaan, Mamat, Aaron, Berwin, Sho and Lijie at school.
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