Here I am, sitting pathetically alone. Again.

There is something, I need to get straight right now. This has been going on for far too long. When was it you decided to change girl? Or should I say, when was it you said you would change BACK? That's right. The end of 2007. Didn't you say 'I'll go return back to how I was, I promise'? How many years has it been already, do you think you've changed? Have you kept your promise? No. In fact, you got worse. Much much worser.

Don't forget, that promise wasn't for anyone else, but YOURSELF. You break that promise, it's yourself you let down. No one else is going to feel that regret, that guilt, BUT YOURSELF.

Is this what you want, then? Why be like this when you could change back? Wasn't life back then so much better? Didn't everything go well for you? You felt so good and awesome back then I might add. In fact, THAT PERIOD OF TIME WAS YOUR GOLDEN PERIOD. You adhered to the rules, you changed yourself totally, and it was so awesome. Why don't you want to be like that again? Do you feel good now?

Do not trust the mirrors; they're but a lie. LOOK AT THE MORE EVIDENT MEDIA.

If you changed, you would look even greater girl. Coupled with the skills you know now and the things of the past, you could REALLY DO IT. Why won't you? Girl, this has got to stop. Chance after chance, day after day, MONTHS HAVE PAST, and where the hell is the result?

You might have been trying to use a new method, but the months proved it, IT DOESN'T WORK. LOOK AT IT! Look at what it has done to you. The phyical things are not important, it's the MIND thats the thing. Get your mindset settled, and the rest are a breeze. Perhaps this is a natural gift for yourself, but your mind is so very powerful. More powerful then intended, I might add. Sometimes, its astounding, how you can change everything simply by the use of a small thought. It's not about the thought, its about how you think it. The extend of the thinking, and the rationality of it. Apply this gift on things you want to achieve, and you got it.

See? What I can't understand is, why aren't you using this 'gift'. Why aren't you using this method? It works, it proved itself before. WHY, then? Is it so hard to leave this world, and go into the other? What is it, about this world that's so appealing? You don't even seem to enjoy this; all the relentless regrets and self guilt.

Nothing's more reproachable than self guilt. Especially for YOU. This is the way your mind works, consciously or not. You can make the worst pain in the world seem like a breeze, but you can also overreact TREMENDOUSLY for something insignificant. It all burns down to whether you know how to manupilate and make use, take advantage of your little talent. It might be small and insignificant to others, but with you, it can work wonders.

It just boils down to whether you WANT to do it. If you want it, all doors of possibilities will be opened. Hundreds, thousands of methods you can slowly deliberate over.

Is there a price? Yes.

Your friends, your feelings, and if you're not careful enough, your sanity. The easiest thing you could lose are your FRIENDS, because they're the first ones to be affected by your little gift. Family can't leave you, but your friends can.

Think it over girl. The motions of it aren't very major, but the consequances, the results you get will go wonders.

Treasure this, it's not something everyone has.


My phone hasn't rung in 3 days, I'm feeling hopelessly stupid.

Finally, it's time to wash my hair.