Walao. Today was a long day.

I reached the venue at 12.30, and then we went up for briefing. I was assigned to be the LAST one to sing, and we all went in 1 by 1. The wait for my turn took like, 3 hours man. It was a fucking long 3 hours, and I thought I couldn't make it. I thought I would have collapsed from stress or nerves before I even got to sing.

I was that nervous.

I was so so so nervous, worried, and scared. No words can describe this feeling. I couldn't even decide on the song; in the end, I changed it at the last minute. I was on the verge of losing it today. On the verge of caving in. Luckily I had Angie and the rest there, otherwise.. I don't know why I was so scared today. It's not my first time, and I should be comfortable with it. But I was really losing it. Why?

Results.

I didn't get to finish the song. Jay and Rahim were the judges; Rahim was really cool and friendly and everything, but Jay was like Simon. Although I knew Jay for a long time, I was REALLY intimidated in the room. The song I sang demanded high energy and confidence.. I had no problem smiling and winking and mantaining eye contact with Rahim, but it was totally different with Jay. Unlike Rahim, Jay wasn't like.. smiling, or anything. It. Was. Scary. I couldn't really project the same correct kind of feeling to Jay.. He was intimidating.

Rahim seemed pleased; he praised my performing ability. He said I was a performer! That was exactly what I wanted to project out. The ability to perform. But I wasn't confident enough for my song. I should have moved more freely. I shouldn't even be feeling restricted in the first place. Well.. Everyone has a first time.

Results are not out yet. I don't think I did well enough, tho.